Sometimes I can't help but wonder..

Sometimes I can't help but wonder
What is it about you?
What exactly is it that you do
that has such a curious effect on
me

You have to but just laugh,
and like a pebble dropped into still water -
creates a ripple effect;
Hardly the random Chaos Theory
or the Butterfly Effect.
More like Newton's Third Law baby-
for every smile of yours
there's an equal and reciprocal one from me.

You have to but just speak,
joke about things that are hardly even funny.
Don't make your calling a comedian darling.
yet fondness,tolerance & indulgence
gets a smile out of me everytime.

You hardly have to do anything!
Anything at all.
Just a msg, an email, a card sends me
Sailing over the moon
like Elton John's Rocketman.
While others who have laboured much more
fail to even come close
to reaching me like you carelessly do.

Even your flaws, Love Warrior
The pain that you try and hide and defeat.
"Human"- beauty in imperfection said yours truly-
perhaps you're not the one who's crazy dear.
a Girl Interrupted? Nope, not you.
See through to you despite your mask
I'll "steal you away" like you say anytime beautiful
All you have to do is ask.


"Good morning Beautiful"; "Hey Gorgeous"- and
thus we'll trip the light fantastic
along the Road Not Taken- but
Sometimes i can't help but wonder
What IS it about you?

A sudden invasion-- stemming from "there are better ways to shut people up"

When it comes to love between people two,
thought this heart was almost dead
Kill it, i did not, It just turned away- desire true,
seeking a deeper purpose instead

To Someone else, my heart is being drawn,
listening to a clearer story told
out of the shimmering mysteries underlying
past days young and gold.
But despite that- remains still a potential pawn
Of Romantic Love and its treacherous hold

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

cigarettes and chocolate milk
these are just a couple of my cravings
everything it seems i like's a little bit stronger
a little bit thicker
a little bit harmful for me

if i should buy jellybeans
have to eat them all in just one sitting
everything it seems i like's a little bit sweeter
a little bit fatter
a little bit harmful for me

and then there's those other things
which for several reasons we won't mention
everything about them is a little bit stranger
a little bit harder
a little bit deadly

it isn't very smart
tends to make one part so broken-hearted

.....

(Rufus Wainwright)



The Other Things

Yes
Everything it seems i like's a little bit thrilling
A little bit dangerous
Just A little bit too irresistable
for me.

Once upon a midnight dreary

The Raven
(first 4 verses)
Edgar A. Poe 's famous poem

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating, of my heart I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-

Darkness there, and nothing more.



(It continues)

The Mystery that binds me still

came across this poem in sec school (thanks Lin).

Alone - Edgar Allen Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Dreamland

Dreamland -Edgar Allan Poe

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule-


From a wild clime that lieth, sublime,
Out of SPACE- out of TIME.
Bottomless vales and boundless floods,
And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods,
With forms that no man can discover
For the tears that drip all over;

Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire;
Lakes that endlessly outspread
Their lone waters- lone and dead,-
Their still waters- still and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily.

By the lakes that thus outspread
Their lone waters, lone and dead,-
Their sad waters, sad and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily,-
By the mountains- near the river
Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever,-
By the grey woods,- by the swamp
Where the toad and the newt encamp-
By the dismal tarns and pools
Where dwell the Ghouls,-
By each spot the most unholy-
In each nook most melancholy-
There the traveller meets aghast
Sheeted Memories of the Past-
Shrouded forms that start and sigh
As they pass the wanderer by-
White-robed forms of friends long given,
In agony, to the Earth- and Heaven.

For the heart whose woes are legion
'Tis a peaceful, soothing region-
For the spirit that walks in shadow
'Tis- oh, 'tis an Eldorado!
But the traveller, travelling through it,
May not- dare not openly view it!
Never its mysteries are exposed
To the weak human eye unclosed;
So wills its King, who hath forbid
The uplifting of the fringed lid;
And thus the sad Soul that here passes
Beholds it but through darkened glasses.

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have wandered home but newly
From this ultimate dim Thule.




Rough translations:
Eidolon- alien being (k, very rough translation =P)
Thule-The most northerly region of the habitable world to ancient Greek geographers. Posited as an island north of Britain, it has been variously identified with Iceland, Norway, and the Shetland Islands.
Eldorado- A legendary city or historical region of the New World, often thought to be in South America, that was fabled for its great wealth of gold and precious jewels and eagerly sought by 16th- and 17th-century explorers, including Sir Walter Raleigh.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.


Many contexts in which to take this poem in.

Trying to keep the pathway open, and the narrow way

God's Garden
-Robert Frost-

God made a beatous garden
With lovely flowers strown,
But one straight, narrow pathway
That was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
He brought mankind to live,
And said: "To you, my children,These lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
With care my flowerets tend,
But keep the pathway open
Your home is at the end."


Then came another master,
Who did not love mankind,
And planted on the pathway
Gold flowers for them to find.

And mankind saw the bright flowers,
That, glitt'ring in the sun,
Quite hid the thorns of av'rice
That poison blood and bone;
And far off many wandered
,And when life's night came on,
They still were seeking gold flowers,
Lost, helpless and alone.

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upward to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
Bid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.

And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.

One Aquainted with the Night

by Robert Frost


acquainted with the night
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain --and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.


I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;

And further still at an unearthly height
One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

For a Reason, Season, Lifetime

(from ariel)

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, financially, materially, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they migrated.
Sometimes they stop corresponding.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love and cherish the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is perceptive.


Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I shall take..

The Road Less Travelled/ Not Taken
revisited, courtesy of joel

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Copyright © 1962, 1967, 1970 by Leslie Frost Ballantine. Vhttp://poetrypages.lemon8.nl/life/roadnottaken/roadnottaken.htm

Credibility

Credibility, a small but powerful word.

Two ways people take back what they said/did:

1) They say/do something, take it back, saying that it was rubbish, and they didnt know what they said/were doing cause they were tired/sleepy, or other excuses.

We'll start by assuming that these assumptions are true firstly (though they might not be):
i)They really didnt know what they were saying,
ii)That when you're tired, your brain "is not working", your defences down: rubbish comes out instead of truth.
( Personally, i'd say truth? Based on the logic when you're tired, you've no energy to invent falsehoods and when defences are down your brain doesnt prevent you quick enough from saying something that you normally wouldn't due to prudence/fear of vulnerability.
The only way something could come out "rubbish", is when you have an idea in mind, but dont express it in the right way because of tired/sleepiness, which leads to "rubbish"").


2) They say something, fully aware of what they're doing, and then take it back after regretting, claiming (1). This implies a whole lot more issues here, that i'm not willing to go into..deception, gross irresponsibililty etc.


No matter (1), or (2). The important thing is to take responsibillity for your words/ actions. That starts with being mindful of what you say/do. If despite that, you do end up saying/doing something later unwanted...

Recognize and accept that you have caused the consequences, and do the right thing from there, Don't try to oblivate what you did by avoiding or taking back the consequences of what your words/actions have done and trying to convince yourself/others that there were no consequences in the first place just because you didnt mean what you did/said. Especially by trying to convince the person of what the person is thinking/feeling, in response to your words/actions. This applies in general. Never assume you know how a person is feeling/thinking or worse still, try and convince them how they are feeling/thinking. Especially if the motive is just for helping you alleviate the ripples that you've caused.

In general, if you are objective and rational enough, you can tell them how they should feel or/ react, to, say , a given situation. But not how they are feeling. Firstly, not being in their shoes, we've no right, and secondly, are we some shrink??? " You are getting sleepy..sleepy.."
Empathy is different from brain-washing.
I.e., I try to convince you that you're not hurting though i just whacked you on the head with a hammer.
If what you said/did was wrong, admit it. And repair the mistake if possible, via appropriate measures. If what you said was right, truth. Then there's no need to take back anything. But truth, once spoken, has its consequences too.


Most of the time, you only dont know what you're doing to a certain extent. If you're sleepy, and start making out with someone w/o knowing what you're doing, fine. But dont tell me there doesnt come a point of time when your mind clears and you realise what you're doing. Then, if you do choose, and i say "choose", to carry on then after, don't turn back and say you didnt mean that. Granted, initiallly you might not have known what you were doing, but in the end, you sure did. If you realize what you're doing and choose to stop, good. But you still have to take responsibility for what you did, even if you didnt have any idea of what you were doing, and only realised when you were told by another the next day.


Another more subtle example. You and I are good friends. One day, out of nowhere, I start msging you things that make you doubt how exactly i feel towards you. Things that make you unsure of where I'm coming from. You get confused because what i say shakes you. Worse still, you start having problems with your partner. Maybe you even break up. You come and talk to me about it, and I tell you that that was just how i felt then and i don't feel the same now. Or that i just wanted to express how i feel, i didn't really want or expect anything, but was just being spontaneous... What's that? What then?


Spontaneous expression of feelings/thoughts/actions is beautiful, definitely. It can be associated with joy, a different mindset from the masses, an openess rare nowadays. I'm a big fan of spontaenity. It is also a fact that people's feelings/thoughts change with passing time and moments, leading to a certain degree of un-reliability. All that, combined with the unavoidable fact that, like it or not, our speech/actions not only impacts ourselves, but also others, leads to the conclusion that... Spontaneity should be responsiblity applied.
(={ kinda oxymoronic )

In the end, it all boils down to future credibility. Want to make an positive impact in the lives of others? It all starts with
Credibillity: a small but powerful word.

To be Untouchable

"A Scottish discus thrower trained alone in the hills of Scotland. He made his own discus, with information from books, but he made his of solid iron instead of wood with a rim of iron.

So he trained, aiming to reach the current record throw, and became very very good. He
went to the games and has remained the uncontested champion for many years.

So thats how you do it: Train under a great burden,and you will be so far beyond the rest of the world, you will be untouchable.

"No one can hurt you. "


-A sacred romance- (thanks C.J)

Sounds good. but is being untouchable, invulnerable, (in the context of emotions), all that good as it's made out to be?

To be untouchable might also come with the risk of losing a part of your humanity?

To be most Human is to be able to feel intense joy and also intense pain, and yet try to overcome and do the right things anyway, which = Beautiful.



Just like you.. "Did i tell you you're wonderful"?

No....but i've told you you're amazing..many times.



Adam Ant: Did I Tell You You're Wonderful? -exerpts


Did I tell you how much I miss
Your sweet kiss?
Did I tell you I didnt cry?
Well I liedI lie lie lie lie lie lied

Did I tell you you're wonderful?
I miss you yes I do
Did I tell you that I was wrong?
I was wrong
Cos you're wonderful.

Did I tell you how much I miss your smile?
Did I tell you I was ok?
Well no way
No way way way





=)